I'm not really sure what I want as far as picking up with piano teaching. Its a little hard to separate out from the two sources of pressure I feel.

On one hand, several students have been waiting for me to come back, and I know they miss me, and I miss them, and I'd feel really bad having had them wait this long for me and then telling them no.

On the other, I have an immune system compromised baby. The first four months are an especially big deal, and there's that bit about half of these little guys ending up back in the hospital in their first year, primarily due to sickness.

Actually, there's a third pressure. The feminist one ;) Other women pick up with their lives right away, I should at least be able to start teaching a few students for a half hour at a time. This pressure works in two ways. One feeling that I'm incompetent if I don't pick up, and the other feeling that I want to and resentful that I'm stuck while Patri gets to go back to work.

How do I really feel? I guess it just depends. I think I mostly don't want to pick back up for a while. The baby is a full time job, and keeps me plenty busy. I think the reason I'd most like to pick back up is feeling a bond with my students. I really do like most of them and will miss them, and don't want them to feel that I'm abandoning them.

I just got off the phone with the mom of a couple of the little ones. She's actually the one I was referring to earlier, and I love her kids. They're both super sweet. N is very serious, tries really hard, and cracks a grin every now and then. M is just the cutest little girl ever, and adorable voice and smile, also super enthusiastic and sweet.

I was discussing the sickness issue with the mom, and she told me that she thought I should take the break. She reinforced the notion that little kids are always getting sick, and that it was probably a bad idea to have them around. She noted that one of hers has a runny nose right now, and that they get sick often, despite that they are home schooled. She thinks they mostly pick things up at church sunday school. She informed me that she used to be a sunday school teacher, and that many parents bring their kids to school or other public places when they have runny noses or even fever, without regard about spreading the germs. And of course, often they can be sick for a while before they show symptoms.

I'm really sorry to let those kids go, but glad that the mom is so supportive. She said that she'll probably start them up with lessons again soon, but that when I'm ready she wants to switch back to me. We'll see, I bet they'll be happy with the new teacher by then, and its probably not worth the upheaval to be switching them back and forth when I'm ready, assuming I even stay in the area and whatnot, but we'll worry about that when the time comes ;)

Now I have to decide what to do about the pre-teens. I have three I was teaching, all of which have said they want to wait. I think that they get sick less often than the younger kids, and they're aware and responsible enough to stay away if they feel symptoms... but they are all still in school, the germiest place of them all ;) And one does have a little sister... and also does get sick more than the other two...

The most common advice I've been seeing is to wait 2-4 months to take a premie out in public if possible (although we have a lot of doctor's visits that we have to take him to: he's already been out five times in his first two weeks home)

I think I'll wait at least two months for all of my students. I can probably take back the two adults if they're still interested at that point. Especially since that will put us out of the winter months. And I'll definitely wait at least four for taking back the little kids.

I'll talk things over with Patri tonight about the intermediate kids. As much as I don't want to talk to them because I feel guilty for stringing them along for so long, the longer I wait, the longer I truly am stringing them along. Its time for a decision and some phone calls.