Ahhh.... finally enough time to myself to journal about not having personal time... ;) (I've written plenty of journals in , but that's more reporting what's been going on while pumping some milk than doing the probing I like to do) Patri's taking the first shift this evening. I've been trying to go in twice a day myself lately to work on breast feeding, but Tovar's just going to have to do with a little extra bottle feeding, because I'm totally worn out. Plus its good for him to spend time with his daddy :) One of the nurses gave me ink prints of Tovar's feet. On the card it said that he was 70 days old. I can't believe we've been living like this for that long!

Thankfully things of late have been much *less exciting* than when he first arrived. I am busy and tired all the time, often frustrated by hospital related things, and often resultantly moody, but managing okay. Hopefully we will be progressing to a more normal version of busy and tired all the time with the baby actually at home some time soon ;) Although the books warn that even when he's home, he's still a preemie, and will still have additional needs.

And of course, having a newborn at home isn't easy to begin with. Patri and I went to a talk by a preemie mom of twins. Patri pointed out that the one time she got emotional was when she spoke about her feelings on bringing the kids home: she'd been thinking all along that she'd just be so happy to have her kids home that she'd never complain about anything, so it made it extra hard for her when they were home and she was still really worn and stressed and not doing so much relaxing and feeling grateful.

I can't say that I entirely regret the situation, although I certainly would not enter into it knowingly. Its a crazy new chapter of life, which contrasts nicely with the rest of my life as I like ;)

I've always wanted to test myself and see what I would do in a very important and difficult situation. To have a glimpse of death to get a different look at life. I would not have picked this situation, and am especially sorry that Tovar has to go through it. But it has been a very good growing experience for me, and bonding for Patri and I.