Opened up a little more with the neurofeedback therapist today. He asked me a few sessions ago what exactly I wanted to work on with my training. I'd certainly thought about it back in the day, but didn't have a ready to go response for him ;)

My first response was that I wanted to work on being able to focus better in group social situations. But I knew this wasn't what had gotten me started on the path, after all, the social stuff is rather recent for me.

But focus is certainly it. And wanting to be able to direct it better in many situations, group social just being one that's been coming up.

I think the two major aspects that I really want to work on are to:

• Be able to shift and hold my focus to things I desire
• Be able to shift my focus away from ruminating and compulsive tendencies

He also asks me every session if I noticed anything in my moods afterward. Also often during the neurofeedback session.

I always have a hard time answering this, because while I can think of feeling various ways, I tend to associate those feelings with what I've been thinking about, and not to think of them as a mood effecting what I'm thinking about.

In reality I suppose its probably some of each. But especially during the training, he's probably right that my moods are effecting what I'm thinking about as much or more than the other way around ;)

Its just *really* hard to separate out, and I do tend to be concentrating during the sessions, and really don't like being interrupted and having to analyze my thoughts on demand ;) After all, I'm pretty competitive when it comes to games, and things in the game always go haywire when I stop to think about other things ;) (although I hate it when this happens, I also consider it a good sign, as if that didn't happen it would mean that my focus wasn't actually doing anything ;)

I suppose its also scary to think that the different settings may be effecting my moods significantly... while that is sort of what I'm there for, I think I am often in denial about this aspect, despite that I do often have very obviously related moodiness both positive and negative. My moods tend to be all over the place anyway, so its hard to make correlations, but when I was training at home with Patri there was no doubt that what we were doing was making me grumpy ;)

So I really should get over my denial and start working on shifting my focus better between the game and analyzing and verbalizing my response to the game... which I have been doing... and am getting better at... its just so frustrating, so inconclusive and vague...

Today when the therapist asked me whether or not I was feeling agitated (because he was using a stimulating setting that does sometimes cause agitation), I thought, and then responded that I was feeling somewhat agitated but that it was likely placebo effect (thinking that perhaps his asking influenced what I focused on, like horoscopes ;)

He laughed at me. ;)

I do think my point was valid, but he's right, I should probably give the information without trying to reduce it down and then look for patterns before deciding my trust levels ;) After all, I'm doing the damn thing, might as well give it a chance ;)