I started up neurofeedback sessions again today. Despite having arrived fresh out of the shower and feeling quite awake, toward the end of the 20 minutes of feedback I was hardly able to keep my eyes open, and the therapist had to turn it off early. I guess that's normal for being "out of practice" ;) And I suppose it also bodes well for the idea of being "in practice;" where I can hold my attention span for longer.

After neurofeedback the therapist introduced me to his new favorite toy, the "David Pal." It works by playing sounds and lights at different speeds on different sides: I don't recall precisely, but I think he said he had it going at 18hz on my right side, which is related to left brain, and 14hz to the left, which goes to the right brain... but I could have that reversed and/or off with the numbers ;)

The "David Pal" thing was very interesting. Reminded me an aspect of of drug experiences. Basically, I find that with drug experiences, things are often very disorienting and weird at the start, and I have this feeling that I have a choice between embracing the strangeness or fighting it. While often tempted, I've never fought it, because at least with drugs, its pretty futile once they're in your system, and would probably lead to a pretty scary trip ;) Embracing has been very rewarding and amazing. But it does take a lot of trust. One reason why I like to make sure I have a good idea about what exactly I'm doing and am very comfortable with who I'm with.

Back to the "David Pal," according to the therapist, most people he's tried it with really enjoy this, although some hate it with a passion and cannot stand the dissonance. Sounds about right ;) I enjoyed it a lot. The light patterns were interesting, and the experience was relaxing, and encompassing. (for record keeping, the setting I was using was A4)

I found myself envisioning childhood memories of my grandmother's home. Its a place I really liked a lot. I visited several "spaces" there, with much more clarity than when I normally remember such things.

The therapist said it was fine to close my eyes during this (you can still see the light flashes anyway). I started experimenting with that, and not long after awoke from what felt like a very deep sleep ;)

I think he'd said that the setting he'd had me on was related to the ADD neurofeedback stuff we'd been doing, but that there are other settings that are good for energizing: he says that he now uses this in place of caffeine in the afternoons.

It actually reminded me a fair bit of EMDR, probably because of the dissonance: my understanding is that EMDR works by distracting certain parts of your brain while you explore the difficult areas, so it helps you be more open to changing the emotional intensity you feel when thinking about traumatic experiences. I was pleased to see that PTSD was one of the things listed on the web page that this is supposedly useful for... the long list of conditions makes me a bit suspicious, but really, if the distraction/rewiring stuff works for post traumatic stress, why not for other areas?

But really, rather than expecting a panacea, I'm mostly just interested in it because it was fun and relaxing, I enjoy altering my mental states, and its the closest I'm going to get to a drug experience, including coffee or sleeping pills, for quite some time ;)

Plus, it would be really great if there's a setting that I could use to calm down before bedtime... my sleep schedule has been really wacky lately.

I think I'm sold, but I'll have to let Patri sift through the studies and whatnot before agreeing to rent or buy the thing ;) Its in the $200-3 range as opposed to $1000+ for neurofeedback machines, and *much* easier to use although probably not as effective.