I think this community meeting stuff has brought out the worst in me in a lot of ways. I've been exceedingly negative, even for me, and very stressed, and spreading that vibe.

In short, its been really hard for me to take a step back. When I see an "issue" I tend to want to really dive into it, and I really want people to "understand" have a hard time letting things drop.

I know a lot of people are like that about things they feel very emotional about... guess this is just my thing...

Its also hard because people want to be very positive about everything, and its not in my nature and hard for me to rephrase my thoughts in such a manner, especially when trying so hard to remember to make all the points I want to and whatnot, dealing with a group setting, which I'm not so comfortable in, etc.

As Patri pointed out to me, I'm argumentative and talk like an economist when trying to explain perspectives ;) (will post more on that soon ;) He noted that this works really well when talking with him and its something he likes about me, but it doesn't tend to work so well with other people ;)

The conversation was an amusing reminder that in addition to having spent the last many years with a very high percentage of friends being NTs and two very NT argumentative boyfriends, I also do have an AA in economics, and took a years worth of Management Science training at UCSD, and have learned to communicate in that sort of form. (although not on my rambly journal entries ;) And I still tend to think of it as "optimal" despite it often not being the case ;) Neurogirl or perspectivism, any good NLP starter books to recommend? ;) Or other recommended communication techniques for that matter?

So I'm not quite sure what to do in the meantime... I feel like most of the group is somewhat annoyed with me at this point, admittedly for good reason, but how do I change that?

I have this issue, and it affects my participation poorly, and I have some ideas about ways to deal with it but am not sure yet what would work best and will have to discuss it with the group.

One thing I've considered is the possibility of just entirely dropping out of the group discussions. I've got Patri as my proxy, and he should do a fine job dealing with our interests with finance/legal/economic stuff without input from me. But that would probably be very awkward for both others and myself.

Of course, there's the more likely possibility of just trying to learn to keep my mouth shut ;) But I'm historically not good at that when I feel strongly about issues... especially since I'm already uncomfortable and feeling increasingly uncomfortable... but I suppose trying often helps a lot ;)

[patri adds: A nice compromise might be to suggest that you could participate on smaller subcommittees, that way you have some say, but don't have to deal with big groups. That could work out well - and it keeps on working even after we've formed a community.]

Pregnancy short fuse is definitely another issue: I seem to get flustered so much easier and faster these days!! I feel my face and whole body flush and get hot and lose control very easily compared to my recollections from pre-pregnancy ;) (Heat exacerbates this) As Gottman notes in his marriage books, one just cannot express themselves or understand what others are saying very well when emotional. (he measures this by heightened pulse during argument and other physical symptoms) And of course, as a pregnant woman I'm probably a bit extra emotional about forming and protecting a nest.

Anyway, I'm sure things will all be okay. And on the bright side, this is a good learning experience ;) Being wrong is sure hard to admit ;)