Cutting down my lj consumption has been both good and disturbing. Good in that I've been getting more done and feeling generally better and happier. Bad in the realization that I was exhibiting addictive behavior and discounting it for over two years! ;)

It takes so much effort to make a good life! So much consciousness, constant critiquing. I think a lot does depend on what you're given and where you start. Your natural disposition, if you're smart, if you have money, charisma, are in a society with a lot of opportunities, have a good metabolism, etc.

I've gotten to points where I just wasn't doing anything. Where I was depressed and sleeping a lot, and doing anything was a chore. In that sense I think people in less wealthy societies are better off. When you have to move, you move, and in comparison, at least in my experience, you're generally happier for it. As with so many things, its all about balance. Working the optimal amount, resting and enjoying well too. What makes stagnation even worse is that the longer you don't move, the harder it is to start. Mental and physical muscles take use to build up. There's no easy way to start, and even when you do, you're so far behind the 8 ball that even the thought of trying is overwhelming.

Thankfully I'm not at a low point now, although I'm not at an easy one either ;)

Change is always difficult, planning is not my specialty, and wedding planning while crazy changes are going on with my body and with my life can be stressful, to put it mildly ;) I had no idea that the first trimester would be this hard. You're not even showing yet, how bad can it be? ;) Actually, I did have some idea, since I was there when tigresa was going through it, but it wasn't quite enough for the reality to sink in ;) Its not that different than normal, just feeling hormonal, tired, hungry, and negative/angsty a lot more often. If I didn't know better I could easily just attribute it to a lot of "bad days."

And of course, I am happy to be pregnant, getting married, and starting a new life with the man I love :)

As has happened many times, one of my housemate's college friends was visiting, and started talking about how glad she was to be with Mudders and how she clicked so much better with them than other people, because they understand things that other people don't, etc. I finally spoke up and noted that I had understood the examples she gave before ever meeting any Mudders and would appreciate a new direction of conversation.

Anna made the excellent point later that a lot of the Mudders don't seem to realize that it is the type of people that Mudd attracts that causes them to have those sorts of opinions, not something that Mudd does to them per se. After all, it was not Harvey Mudd students who discovered the stuff she was talking about ;)

I envy the Mudders and would have loved to have had such an experience myself, being a similar social outcast most of my life and having never landed in such a "home" as Mudd was to these people. And I also understand that Mudd is a great filter: you don't meet many people like that all in one place where you can spend time with them... nearly ever. And of course, since people like that are so rare, it is generally safe to assume that anyone you happen to meet is not like that and not worth caring about. And really, I don't have the time and energy to develop the sorts of bonds with each of these people that they have with each other. It just gets annoying to be treated as invisible in my own home. But then again, I'm easily annoyed lately, and the more I work on overcoming my shyness the less that will happen.

And although I haven't gone to this particular college, I've had an unusual and interesting life thus far, I have a different type of home which I love, and I don't really feel like going back to college years, even if that were possible ;)

I do wish I spoke better. I do not have (relative to my house mates and their friends) very good grammar or vocabulary, and I know a lot of them look down on that. I suspect its largely related to amount of reading done as a kid, at least, Patri attributes a lot of his learning to books. Hence, I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in intellectual households. But who knows. I do intend on reading more, but consider the vocab/grammar aspect of myself unlikely to change. I think its the sort of thing that has to happen in youth. Literature snobs will just have to deal with me as I am if they want to talk to me, and if not they can kiss my ass. ;) In a way I think its good that I don't speak like a highly educated person, because I think it gives me a wider point of view of intelligence and related stereotypes. But I really hate listening to people talk about how dumb others are that they can't even speak correctly. Not this week, but I've listened to more than one of those conversations at parties at this house as well. The people having these conversations never heard me talk much, its easy for me to be invisible and I didn't feel like becoming visible just for confrontation. I was in a more agitated state tonight ;)