In the drug experimenting I've done in the past I've found that I'm far more prone to disorientation than most people I've spoken with, in fact, I don't think I've ever spoken to anyone who is affected in this same way. Mushrooms in particular but other instances as well. Once on shrooms I was just completely lost and had no idea where I was. Thankfully Patri's orientation wasn't affected at all and we found our way back to camp just fine ;) Another time on shrooms I remembered my name, and the name of the place where I was from, but in all honesty didn't remember who or what those things were.

I'm learning that certain hormones seem to affect me similarly although not to the same extreme. Not too surprising, I probably just have some sort of mental imbalance in the balance realms ;) I've been very disoriented and forgetful the past few days. When on drugs I enjoyed and embraced the experience, which I suppose is about the best I can do ;) Its a little more disturbing when I don't know whether or not it will go away but its nowhere near as extreme so I'm not terribly worried.

There have been a few times lately when I've gotten that familiar old "loss of control" feeling. The kind that makes me feel like I'm going insane when I fight it and powerful when I embrace it. Been doing a good job of embracing it so far ;)

Yes, I am pregnant ;)

I've been too tired and disoriented to deal with very much lately, but thankfully tigresa has been awesome and sharing her experiences with me, so its not so scary since she warned me that I'd probably feel this way at around this point in time ;) (tired, forgetful, very very emotional ;)

I got "two pink lines" on the test, although the second one is very faint. The test results are black and white: two lines pregnant, one not, 99% accuracy. They don't say anything about how dark the lines are comparatively and I couldn't find anything about it on the net. I do have the base point that I took tests last month and there wasn't even the faintest glimmer of a second line, and trust me, I looked hard ;)

I think the reason is that I currently have low levels of Hcg hormone, since I haven't actually gotten to the "date of missed period" yet, but that there is any means that the egg is implanting, and the levels should be growing exponentially.

So yeah, everything is sort of weird ;) I'm hoping that the disorientation goes away but not counting on it. And of course, also hoping that the reason doesn't go away: it is still very early and miscarriage isn't so uncommon.

But when I'm focused and awake enough to think about it, I'm very happy ;)

For the record, the types of disorientation I've been feeling and not:

• Having a very hard time remembering what day it is (this happens on occasion in general, but much worse than I can recall in the past: I figure it out and then just forget again or get confused about another aspect)
• forgetting what I'm talking about mid sentence much more than usual
• forgetting my purse at a restaurant
• forgetting to bring my purse when going out to eat
• thankfully, no spacial disorientation at this point: I've been able to get to everywhere I've wanted to go just fine ;)
• also thankfully, no identity disorientation: I know who I am and where I'm from ;)